Sunday, December 20, 2009
Chicago 09
Monday, November 23, 2009
A Loss
I've been pondering whether or not to blog on this subject. It's been a challenging time for us and letting any internet browser read it made me cringe. However, I'm to the point where I feel that talking about this is going to help me process and move on, so *sigh* here I go.
On November 6th, we found out that we were expecting! We were excited and nervous, as most first time parents are. We vowed not to tell anyone yet, as we wanted to wait and see a doctor to make things official. So I diligently called my doctor and was told a nurse would call me back to reschedule. Then, Saturday morning I woke up with intense pain in my abdomen lasting for nearly an hour. I called the Nurse line and they suggested I go into the ER, however after getting off the phone with them, I began to feel better and the pain went away. I started bleeding that day, but it subsided by Sunday afternoon. Monday morning, I contacted the doctor again, as I still had not heard from anyone. They diligently took down my responses to all of their questions and informed me that they would let the doctor know, then call me back. Twenty minutes later, I had an ultrasound appointment and order for labs all ready for me for that afternoon. Due to my pain and symptoms, they were concerned about an ectopic pregnancy. I tried not to panic but who wouldn't??
I showed up 15 minutes early for my appointment and waited very impatiently, reading a magazine about "You and Baby," thinking this might not happen. I pushed those thoughts out of my mind and began to tell myself that everything is likely fine and they're just checking to make sure. Finally, they called my name, even pronouncing the last name right. "Please lay down on your back and pull your pants down around your hips." I did as requested, feeling quite nervous. My thought was, "Great, I got the one sonographer that could care less about the impact her job has on my life." Thankfully, things changed and she became more soft-spoken and asked me questions with more tact. Whew...maybe now I can relax a little. She waved her wand over my uterus, pressing hard and expressing that they didn't see anything at this time. I asked her if this was a concern, but she assured me that I wasn't far enough along so it is possible that we won't see anything yet. Four weeks and 1 day, that was my official report. Next we used the ever excited vaginal ultrasound. Uncomfortable, yes, but I guess it saved my life. During this screening, she was quiet and stared intently at the screen. After we finished and I got dressed, she explained that the Doctor would check over the screens to ensure they got what they needed and then I could go get my labs drawn. I waited anxiously and she finally came back. They had everything they needed and she apologized that she could not tell me the results. There was the first time I saw that look. She felt sorry for me and I didn't notice it or register it then, but it was there. This was not the last time I saw this face...
I went and had labs drawn, then headed upstairs to check in with my doctor. I took two steps in the door and saw the waiting room full of women, in addition to four in line. I turned around and walked out the door, thinking, "I doubt they actually have my results already and I'm not waiting 40 minutes or more to fine out, they can just call me." I went back to work and continued paperwork until I headed off for class for the evening.
As I drove to class, I received a phone call. It was my nurse from the OB-GYN, asking why I didn't stop by the office. I explained to her that it wasn't mentioned that it was imperative and I did not feel that they would have had the results already. She stumbled over her words then asked me if I could hold. "Sure," I said, like anyone would ever tell her no? Next, my doctor came on the phone. "Stacey, we think you need to go to the ER. Based on your scans, you may have an ectopic pregnancy." Everything else moved in slow motion. He asked me about pain. "No, not really. Sometimes little twinges like cramps." Where are they located? "Primarily on the right, but sometimes midline." Oh, we think it's in your left tube. Why don't you head to the ER, Dr. Gisi is on call and he will take care of you.
I hung up and immediately called Ben. No answer at his desk. I called his cell. No answer on his cell. I called his desk back and left a message. "Sorry to leave this on your voicemail, but..."
Next, I walked myself into the ER and checked myself in, then sat and let the tears drip down my face. As I sat, I tried to call Ben again and left a message on his cell phone. Twenty minutes later, Ben arrives and sits with me in the waiting room. Finally, my was called. "Put on this gown and the doctor will be in shortly." An hour later, two needle sticks and three vials of blood, the doctor enters. "You have an ectopic pregnancy in your left fallopian tube. We'll go in to operate laprascopically. Any questions?" Uh.........will I still be able to have kids, how long does the surgery take, what are the risks/complications? Questions were answered and five minutes later a gurney was waiting to take me to surgery. All of my jewelry into a plastic biohazard bag. My contact into UA cups, a kiss and more tears with my husband and they wheeled me into the OR. The only thing I remember is sobbing as they put the mask over my face and I was out.
Next thing I remember is waking up freezing, shaking so hard, my throat hurting and the desperate need to pee. Two warm blankets, a dose of morphine and a cup of ice chips later, they wheeled me to the bathroom, made sure I could pee and sent me home.
So.....that's the story. They were able to save my tube, though there is likely to be scarring, which can impact future chances of it reoccurring. We have our postop appointment on Wednesday, so I will update more when I know more. Our loss has been difficult and we think about the what-ifs and could have beens every day, but are trying to heal and look to the future. Thank you to all of our friends and family who have supported us through this extremely challenging time. I thank my husband for being so supportive, holding me when all I can do is cry and talking with me about our future options. He is my best friend and I am so thankful I found him. I love you, Ben.
On November 6th, we found out that we were expecting! We were excited and nervous, as most first time parents are. We vowed not to tell anyone yet, as we wanted to wait and see a doctor to make things official. So I diligently called my doctor and was told a nurse would call me back to reschedule. Then, Saturday morning I woke up with intense pain in my abdomen lasting for nearly an hour. I called the Nurse line and they suggested I go into the ER, however after getting off the phone with them, I began to feel better and the pain went away. I started bleeding that day, but it subsided by Sunday afternoon. Monday morning, I contacted the doctor again, as I still had not heard from anyone. They diligently took down my responses to all of their questions and informed me that they would let the doctor know, then call me back. Twenty minutes later, I had an ultrasound appointment and order for labs all ready for me for that afternoon. Due to my pain and symptoms, they were concerned about an ectopic pregnancy. I tried not to panic but who wouldn't??
I showed up 15 minutes early for my appointment and waited very impatiently, reading a magazine about "You and Baby," thinking this might not happen. I pushed those thoughts out of my mind and began to tell myself that everything is likely fine and they're just checking to make sure. Finally, they called my name, even pronouncing the last name right. "Please lay down on your back and pull your pants down around your hips." I did as requested, feeling quite nervous. My thought was, "Great, I got the one sonographer that could care less about the impact her job has on my life." Thankfully, things changed and she became more soft-spoken and asked me questions with more tact. Whew...maybe now I can relax a little. She waved her wand over my uterus, pressing hard and expressing that they didn't see anything at this time. I asked her if this was a concern, but she assured me that I wasn't far enough along so it is possible that we won't see anything yet. Four weeks and 1 day, that was my official report. Next we used the ever excited vaginal ultrasound. Uncomfortable, yes, but I guess it saved my life. During this screening, she was quiet and stared intently at the screen. After we finished and I got dressed, she explained that the Doctor would check over the screens to ensure they got what they needed and then I could go get my labs drawn. I waited anxiously and she finally came back. They had everything they needed and she apologized that she could not tell me the results. There was the first time I saw that look. She felt sorry for me and I didn't notice it or register it then, but it was there. This was not the last time I saw this face...
I went and had labs drawn, then headed upstairs to check in with my doctor. I took two steps in the door and saw the waiting room full of women, in addition to four in line. I turned around and walked out the door, thinking, "I doubt they actually have my results already and I'm not waiting 40 minutes or more to fine out, they can just call me." I went back to work and continued paperwork until I headed off for class for the evening.
As I drove to class, I received a phone call. It was my nurse from the OB-GYN, asking why I didn't stop by the office. I explained to her that it wasn't mentioned that it was imperative and I did not feel that they would have had the results already. She stumbled over her words then asked me if I could hold. "Sure," I said, like anyone would ever tell her no? Next, my doctor came on the phone. "Stacey, we think you need to go to the ER. Based on your scans, you may have an ectopic pregnancy." Everything else moved in slow motion. He asked me about pain. "No, not really. Sometimes little twinges like cramps." Where are they located? "Primarily on the right, but sometimes midline." Oh, we think it's in your left tube. Why don't you head to the ER, Dr. Gisi is on call and he will take care of you.
I hung up and immediately called Ben. No answer at his desk. I called his cell. No answer on his cell. I called his desk back and left a message. "Sorry to leave this on your voicemail, but..."
Next, I walked myself into the ER and checked myself in, then sat and let the tears drip down my face. As I sat, I tried to call Ben again and left a message on his cell phone. Twenty minutes later, Ben arrives and sits with me in the waiting room. Finally, my was called. "Put on this gown and the doctor will be in shortly." An hour later, two needle sticks and three vials of blood, the doctor enters. "You have an ectopic pregnancy in your left fallopian tube. We'll go in to operate laprascopically. Any questions?" Uh.........will I still be able to have kids, how long does the surgery take, what are the risks/complications? Questions were answered and five minutes later a gurney was waiting to take me to surgery. All of my jewelry into a plastic biohazard bag. My contact into UA cups, a kiss and more tears with my husband and they wheeled me into the OR. The only thing I remember is sobbing as they put the mask over my face and I was out.
Next thing I remember is waking up freezing, shaking so hard, my throat hurting and the desperate need to pee. Two warm blankets, a dose of morphine and a cup of ice chips later, they wheeled me to the bathroom, made sure I could pee and sent me home.
So.....that's the story. They were able to save my tube, though there is likely to be scarring, which can impact future chances of it reoccurring. We have our postop appointment on Wednesday, so I will update more when I know more. Our loss has been difficult and we think about the what-ifs and could have beens every day, but are trying to heal and look to the future. Thank you to all of our friends and family who have supported us through this extremely challenging time. I thank my husband for being so supportive, holding me when all I can do is cry and talking with me about our future options. He is my best friend and I am so thankful I found him. I love you, Ben.
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Back to Busy Life
So this completes my 4th week with ChildServe, and I'm feeling very much employed! I will even receive my second paycheck tomorrow and boy did we miss paydays! Thus far I have been enjoying the job and am attempting learn all there is to know about waiver services for kiddos and their families. Honestly, I was a little worried about working with kiddos that often have some severe disabilities. How do I interact with a child that has little to no communication skills? I always felt awkward talking to them and asking questions, knowing that they can't respond. Through some training and hearing people talk, I've become more comfortable with it. I just imagine myself in their shoes. A functioning brain that is trapped in a sense, inside a paralyzed body. Can you imagine not being able to speak but being able to hear and understand and think inside your head exactly what you want to say, just not being able to???? My job is to help these kiddos find resources to help their families and them have a GREAT LIFE! This is ChildServe's mission statement. Now most companies have mission statements but none are as real and influential in a person's life. I am so thankful for the amazing opportunity to learn and grow while working with these amazing kids. I feel that I learn more from them than they ever could from me and I'm looking forward to being engaged with them for years to come.
I am still going to school to be an elementary school counselor but may slow down classes a little bit to be able to focus on both school and work without one of them suffering. Classes are going well and I have two semesters and a 4.0 GPA under my belt. I'm pretty proud of this, as I have NEVER had a 4.0 in my life and I hope that I can continue to do well, learn and become an amazing counselor for kiddos.
This month, we are planning on traveling to visit Ben's grandpa. The whole family will get together and we'll have to take a picture or two to share. We are going boating this weekend with some friends and hope to enjoy the Labor Day Weekend.
Hope you all have a nice and relaxing weekend as well!
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
A JOB!
VERY exciting news! I had started with Big Brothers Big Sisters on a part-time basis when I was offered a full time position with an excellent company, Child Serve. They have an amazing reputation here in central Iowa and I can't WAIT to get started and become a part of their incredible team. I was very disappointed about leaving BBBS, as they are a great agency as well. I was very disappointed that they weren't able to have me full-time but I still find the agency amazing and they are doing some amazing things for children and their volunteers. For ChildServe, we are just waiting on the background check and I will get started as a case manager for families with children that have disabilities, both physical and mental. I am very excited to get started and looking forward to the experience that will hopefully strengthen my abilities as a counselor in the future.
I know Ben is feeling better about the acquisition of full time employment and he was recently promoted at WellsFargo. He is really enjoying the company and should be finished with his AA this coming May, 2010. He will be looking into Grandview for a Bachelor's degree and we are excited for the future!
Monday, June 8, 2009
Three Year Anniversary
On June 3rd, we celebrated our three-year wedding anniversary. While I am amazed that it has been three years already, I am also surprised that it hasn't been more. We've accomplished a lot in three years. Ben is working full time with Wells Fargo in a technology support position, moving his way up from a loan document specialist where he started as a temp. He has won a service award and we went to Cancun for FREE and he is getting ever closer to finishing his Business Information Systems AA at DMACC! I've had a lot of changes as well, going from working for an Optometrist, to working with kids, families then getting laid off. I've spent a lot of time figuring out "what I want to be when I grow up" as well. This January I started graduate school at Drake University, where I never thought I would get in and have passed my first semester with a 4.0!
A year and a half ago, we purchased our first home and have been enjoying making home improvements to help us better sell it in the future. The cats love the stairs and are racing up and down them as I type.
So, looking back at the past three years of marriage and five and half of being together, I can honestly say I am happy. Despite being laid off and pinching pennies and having to deal with a leaky toilet and ruined floors. I am happy. Ben, you make me happy and I'm so thankful we are together.
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Disappointment
After two second round interviews with two different companies, I learned that I did not get either position, despite being qualified and an "excellent candidate" according to both. Frustrating, yes but that's life, I guess. I lost out to internal employees in both cases. My resume did get passed on to another department at one company and I have been contacted for an interview. This week I have sent in more resumes and have a couple of interviews set up for next week and the following week.
I am really starting to get down about this. I know it is not that I am not qualified, but rather there are twice as many people competing for the same position. It is still frustrating and I'm starting to wonder if I shouldn't pick up respite families for the Summer and then Sub in the Middle and High School during the school year. Problem is, nothing is guaranteed in the way of hours. If only there was some way to know that it would work out.
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Today is my birthday
Today I turn 26 years old. While this is not a momentus birthday, I'm glad for it. Your late twenties is the time that people finally start to take you seriously. The time I've had free has led to me think more about what has happened since striking out on my own. I have officially been out of high school for 8 years! Hard to believe but I'm glad that I had the experience and glad that it is past me. I have also been out of college for nearly 4 years! Ben and I will have been together for 5 1/2 years and married for 3 this June. Time has gone so quickly and I look forward to seeing what is to come. We plan on having children in the future as well as buy a bigger home, but until we are financially stable again, plans have been on hold. I am so excited for what's next. My sister is getting married this Summer. I still think, gosh, she is so young, forgetting that I was 23 when I was married as well. I am very excited to celebrate that day with her and my new brother!!!
I have been interviewing several places this week and am actually on a second round for one company in the hopes of gaining employment. While I'm trying not to get my hopes up, I would really like the position and it works well with my schooling, so I am keeping my fingers crossed.
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